R.U.E. (Resist the Urge to Explain): How Much Is Too Much?

Quick Interruption!
Before we turn this post over to Darlene, I wanted to let everyone know that Sandi has temporarily turned the reins over for The Book Doctor. Sandi is currently in the hospital undergoing treatment unrelated to MS. Please join us in praying for her and for her family. We know she'll be back with us soon and we'll keep things going here until she returns. We'll be posting periodic updates, so keep checking back.
Blessings,
The Crew at Book Doctor


R.U.E. (resist the Urge to Explain)
The writer creates between two opposites: the reader wants to know and R.U.E. (resist the urge to explain, or more colorfully put, the reader's not stupid!)

Example of "the reader wants to know" (taken from the copyedit of my next published book, Love's Raid, coming out next March from Heartsong Presents):

The grocer’s wagon flew past Clara Farley, the wheels spewing dirt and rocks, coating the skirt of the dress she had chosen for this special occasion.

The copy editor said, "I couldn’t immediately figure out if she was walking, on horseback, or driving." Okay. I need to put in a word or two indicating she's on foot.

Example of R.U.E., from my current WIP, Knight Music, scheduled for release next October. It comes at the end of the first chapter:

Why did he feel like his success would depend on Sonia? Of all people, Sonia was the one person he couldn't count on.

What's the R.U.E. section? The second sentence. The first sentence says it all. Out it goes . . .

How to we know when to add and when to delete?

Adding usually is needed when we need to clarify something. If the heroine arrives somewhere by horse, I need to show her taking care of the horse before she goes inside.

Deleting is harder to detect. Some examples:

• Overemphasis? Am I overemphasizing something that makes no difference in the story, the equivalent of the gun in the room? In my current WIP, the heroine (Sonia, of course), is sketching in a prayer journal. I use it as a means to show her thoughts about the hero. When I say people like to peek into her journal, am I implying later in the story someone will peek into the journal--and see something they shouldn't? Either I delete the comment--or I add a bit more about the journal later in the story.
• Planting hints? When is enough enough? The hero in my WIP (we eventually discover) has a dark secret in his past. My hints must walk a fine line between making it believable when the reader discovers the truth; or hitting the reader over the head with it. Examples:

--Maybe that was what happened when her best work was stolen and she lost her sense of direction. He ought to know. Hadn’t he come to Ulysses for much the same reason? His mouth twisted at the irony of it.

--Four pages later: He could tell the truth, up to a point.
--One page later: “And I apologize for soaking your shirt. So we’re even. Sort of.”
If only she knew the truth.
--A page after that: He knew exactly what he intended to do to get back into his family’s good graces, but he wasn’t about to tell anyone.
--Four pages later: Ty wandered downe the aisle ahead of her, and with the arch of an eyebrow, grabbed a box of cereal with a cartoon vampire on the front. “I’m like this cereal. I’m irresistible, but ultimately, I’m bad for you.

Looking at it this way, I suspect I'm overdoing it a little. Hmm. Good exercise.

In your own work, look for both problems:

Is something unclear that needs additional explanation?

Is something overstated and needs to be shortened?

Feel free to share examples from your writing and let us help!

Feeling Emotional—Don’t Tell Anyone!

Instead show them.

Telling the story, instead of showing it, is one of the most common mistakes beginners make. During the first draft almost all of us, no matter how advanced, tend to tell a lot of the story. It’s only natural. This is the time when our manuscript comes together and telling allows us to develop the bones or structure of the story before we refine it into a compelling work of fiction. But beginners often stop the refining process too early. So how do we take a story from just bare bones? One of the best ways is to add depth by showing how our characters feel without naming the emotions.

Now, I know a lot of you are probably having the same reaction I did when I first heard it wasn’t a good idea to name an emotion. I had a rather loud conversation with the writing book that first shared this nugget of information.

“You have got to be kidding me! Who made up this stupid rule? How can I tell the reader what’s going on if I don’t use words like scared or angry?”

And there is the crux of the problem—beginning writers always default back to telling the story. Writing fiction is hard work. It takes a lot of time and effort to write a book and write it well. You already know this—after all that’s why you’re taking the time to read and study about how to improve.

Like I mentioned, I didn’t have a positive reaction to my first exposure to this convention. But now it’s an aspect of rewriting that I enjoy and even look forward to. I look on this as a challenge—a game of sorts. The best part of this game is that when I, the author wins, everybody else does too. Am I nuts? Absolutely, but I am, after all, a writer!

Let me give you some examples. I’ll start each out with an excerpt where I name the emotion. Then, in the second, I'll let you see how I changed it to let the reader name the emotion by interpreting the character’s actions.

Example 1
Emotions Named:
She began to cry as shame and anger warred inside. “I didn’t do anything wrong.” Her voice sounded hoarse as she tried to control her frustration.

Emotions Implied:
Tears flooded her eyes, making his features blur as she lifted her head and tried to focus. “I didn’t do anything wrong.” Her voice came out like a croak and she tried to clear her throat, but choked on the unshed tears.

The first excerpt tells the reader what’s going on. Granted, the writing is clear, but we’ve all heard the expression that a picture is worth a thousand words. The second excerpt is that picture. It invites the reader into the action and leaves them to draw their own conclusions.

Here’s another one.

Example 2
Emotions Named:
Manaen rose, her anger giving her strength as she faced her brother. “Do not think to intimidate me.” His arrogance amazed her even as it infuriated her. “I am not a child to be bullied. My Lord’s Spirit speaks to me as clearly as to you.”

Emotions Implied:
Manaen rose in response, her eyes almost even with his as she drew herself up to her full height, oblivious of her feminine garment. “Do not think to intimidate me.” Her jaw worked as she gritted her teeth. “I am not a child to be bullied. My Lord’s Spirit speaks to me as clearly as to you.”

And a final one.

Example 3
Emotions Named:
Rage sent Josiah shooting to his feet. “I tell you, Manaen, I’ve never witnessed any Elder behave in this manner.” Josiah paced, feeling like his world was collapsing. Confusion made him restless. “I just don’t understand.”

Emotions Implied:
He shot up from the desk, upsetting the chair. “I tell you, Manaen, I’ve never witnessed any Elder behave in this manner.” Josiah prowled through the briefing area of their quarters, picking things up and setting them down again. “I just don’t understand.”

Now it’s your turn. Take one of these two sentences and show us the emotion in place of naming it.

Example 1
Susan’s agony flooded through her as sorrow mingled with guilt. “What have I done?”

Example 2
“Hello? Who’s there?” Jenny’s fear reached a crescendo as the footsteps above moved toward the stairs.

I can hardly wait to read what you come up with!

It's Time For Show and Tell!

One of the things I see most often in the manuscripts I edit is a writing style that tells the story instead of showing the action. Even if you've heard it all before - we all need to constantly be on guard against telling our story. Today I'll share some examples of how to connect with your reader through active verbs and specific nouns.

Example #1

The scent was fresh and new like a flower after the rain.
Verb choice - was
Noun choice – flower
This sentence isn’t bad, but it could be great. The writer in this example is telling instead of showing.

Example #2

The fresh scent hung in the air like a late blooming rose after the rain.
Verb choice – hung
Noun choice – rose (specifically a late blooming rose)
This sentence is great because it doesn’t tell us about the smell. Instead, the writer invites us to remember a smell. This is showing. It draws the read in and invites them to experience what’s happening.

Let’s look at two more examples

Example #3

Susan felt restless.
Verb choice – felt
Noun choice – Susan
Again, the writer is telling us how Susan felt

Example #4

Susan paced across the floor, wearing a pattern in the dust.
Verb choice – paced, wearing
Noun – Susan, floor, dust
Can you see the difference? The writer is again pulling us in with word pictures, showing us the action.

Special Note: There are times when telling is better than showing. You want to use telling when the action isn’t important or when it’s a common action that doesn’t need emphasis. For example, you don't have to say, "Susan bent her knees and lowered herself into the chair." Unless, you're trying to emphasize the WAY she's sitting to let us know her emotion. If she just sat, say, "Susan sat in the chair."

There are some words to watch for - words that can let you know you're telling instead of showing.
Felt
Remembered
Knew
Watched
Saw
Looked
Was
words that end in ing
words that end in ly

Okay, now it's your turn. Take one of the following sentences and make it great.
The morning was foggy.
Jacob was so mad he couldn't speak.
The smell made Penny sick.

Make Your Settings Count

The writing world is cyclic, just like everything else. Right now, the cautionary phrase on the tip of every critique partner’s tongue is show don’t tell. They’re right, of course. Showing draws the reader deeper into the story, and adds an immediacy to the reading experience. But many well-meaning crit partners often label narrative or exposition as telling.

Narrative is an integral tool that a writer uses to make the scenes come alive. Without good narrative the story isn’t grounded. So how do we make our settings come alive? We let the reader view the story’s settings through the filter of the POV character’s emotions, experiences and beliefs. Look at the examples below to see what I’m talking about.

Example 1
Catherine looked at her lovely childhood home. She saw the horribly neglected yard and remembered a happier time. Her feelings of despair almost overwhelmed her. She knew she would find a way to get through the next few weeks, but it wouldn’t be very easy.

In this example the setting is described in a cold and distant way. When I first began writing, I thought this example was good writing. It is good—but it could be great. Watch what happens when we delve into Catherine’s emotions and experiences

Example 2
Catherine peered out the car window at a past she never thought to face. Overgrown trees and bushes loomed down at her as she got out. She explored the once happy yard, games of tag and kick-the-can echoing in her mind. The familiar bench, half hidden by an overgrown wisteria bush, beckoned with promises of rest and peace. She shook her head. Peace would be hard to find without Tom beside her. How would she get through the days to come? A small smile tugged at the corner of her mouth. She could almost hear Tom’s voice, “Work, my dear, it keeps the hands busy and the memories at bay.”

Do you see the difference? When we look at the setting through more than just Catherine’s vision it comes alive and resonates with the reader.

There are some things we can do to insure this kind of depth to our settings.

• Utilize the five senses. This will add depth to the scene.
• Tie the setting to a dream or a memory.
• Focus on the emotions your POV character is feeling and let that color how she sees her surroundings.

So next time you start to describe the setting in your story, slow down, take a good look at what your character is seeing and feeling. Then let the reader experience the setting through the character’s senses and emotions.