Thank you, Victoria, for being willing to share your work with The Book Doctor.
Folks, please keep in mind the rules of critiquing (see left side-panel).
Summary of first chapter:
This is a fantasy novel set around the struggle for succession to the throne of the Ron Empire, which is based on the Han Dynasty of China (circa 220 A.D.) Liu Jie, his wife and son have arrived at the Peach Orchard Inn, which is in the middle of the Ron Empire and they've discovered that the Emperor has summoned all loyal men to his aid against rebels outside of the capital city. Jie is far away from the province he governs and so he has very few men and nowhere near enough money to raise an army and feed them. While he frets over this, his son comes in and tells him there's a dead boy in the garden outside the inn. Jie finds that the boy is still alive and he rushes the child inside and sees to his care while consumed with guilt that he couldn't save his own children twelve years before. That was the first chapter.
Chapter Two
Jie paced, towel in hand. His thoughts churned between concern for his country and the boy.
He dipped the rag in the last of the water and mopped the Orchard Boy’s forehead with it. Droplets rolled away and wet the blankets, but Jie didn’t notice. He paced again, then faced his wife.
“Mei, I can’t stay here. I must send a message home for reinforcements, then leave for the capital in the morning. I will leave the guards with you and Shan. You have enough cash to care for the boy until he’s well enough for all of you to join me.”
Mei rose and took the rag from him. She nodded and tried to conceal her trembling lip. “Will you ask the innkeeper for more hot water and perhaps some tea?”
He kissed her on the brow as she knelt beside the Orchard Boy.
Jie closed the door behind him and entered the room he’d rented for his family. Shan didn’t stir while Jie rummaged in his trunk until his fingers touched the worn fabric his scholar’s box with inkstone, brushes, and folded writing silk. As he left the room, he stopped a passing servant and made Mei’s request.
The din from the first floor was twice as loud as when they'd arrived. He looked over the railing. The inn’s main room was overcrowded. A few of his men laughed over cups of wine, but he did not see the guard he sought. Fragile paper lanterns swayed in his wake as he stepped off the landing and breathed in the smells of heated wine and steamed vegetables.
Memories drifted across his thoughts. On the eve of war, what he desperately wanted was to talk and laugh with his oldest brother, Mihei. But Mihei was dead. Killed by raiders when Jie was no older than the Orchard Boy upstairs. Jie shook his head. He’d promised Mei he’d leave the past where it lay. It was not an easily-kept vow.
The dice gamers had gathered a small string of cash in the center of their table. He smiled and shook his head at one of his men’s invitation to join the game.
“Do you know where Ge Hei is?” Jie asked.
“He drew watch duty later tonight and decided to bed down in the stable, my Lord,” the guard said.
Jie decided he needed another drink before he wrote his message and ventured outside to find Hei.
Farmers in hemp robes gathered at the bar. He pushed between two of them and caught the innkeeper’s eye. While he waited for his drink, Jie looked at the scroll’s message.
He'd known for months that war brewed beneath the surface of his quiet country. It was why he and his family had journeyed to visit his nephew, the Emperor.
If only the Emperor had not issued this order! Jie might have saved countless people if he had reached his nephew a month ago. But now, the Son of Heaven demanded that Jie attack his countrymen. To do otherwise was treason.
If I could reach the rebels, I could talk to them! He didn’t want to attack his brothers, but the Emperor did not need a mediator.
Regardless of how they came to be traitors, they must be stopped.
His stomach churned. I’ll send Ge Hei for reinforcements. I will be a soldier in the Emperor’s legions until my men arrive.
He smoothed his beard in a gesture Mei claimed heralded large decisions, then sighed and shook his head. He longed to do more.
Monday, September 28, 2009
Friday, September 25, 2009
LAST CALL
For those that would like to comment on the submission below, please give Janet your thoughts--even if you disagree with mine! The more feedback, the better. I'll be putting up a new post on Monday.
Thanks!
Thanks!
Monday, September 14, 2009
Edit for FAMILY TREASURE
Janet, you're a talented writer. The writing itself didn't require many corrections. You used dialogue, attributions and beats of action nicely. You've done well to establish a goal and motivation for your characters early on. I also see that these two girls are going to create quite a few laughs together. They're a fun pair. Humor is important to MG (middle grade) readers.
Now, let's look at what needs work:
As for the opening, it needs a stronger hook. Also (I had the privilege of reading the synopsis), because Dudley's spirit helps guide the girls throughout the story, I'd implement that right away. In fact, that could be a part of your hook. Something unusual like that would certainly draw your readers in and encourage them to turn the page.
One major thing concerns me about this opening. I'm afraid the idea of finding secrets in the attic is a bit cliché. A lot of writers do that. So, consider trying something different. I'm thinking they could discover a secret room in her bedroom, or someplace else. She could find a loose panel in her closet, or something like that. Anything but the attic will work. I'm sorry to tell you this; it's just that the whole attic scenario is simply overused.
Leave mom out of the story as much as possible. Parents aren't "allowed to help" the young characters in MG fiction. Consider finding another way (something creative and unique) for them to learn the story about their ancestors. Maybe they can ask leading questions to Mom. They could get tidbits of answers from her, and other answers from Dad—if he's in the picture. The parents could be helping without realizing they're helping. Also, the more secrets the children try to keep from the parents, the more intriguing it will be to your readers.
I'd also like for you to tighten the point of view (POV) of the main character, who I assume is Jan. What I mean by that is, bring in more interior monologue. You've done well with the five senses, and you have a good balance between action and dialogue. If you give us more of her thoughts, that'd help. But don’t add the kind of thoughts that are in first person and italicized. I'm talking the type of thoughts that are in third person and don't require italics. See in The Master's Wall (final version), how that's handled. Nearly every thought David has is done in third person and is not italicized.
If you were to change the attic scene to somewhere else (let's use the closet for example), maybe you could have Dudley knock on the inside of the closet wall to get Jan's attention. Or, if that's too freaky . . . hmm, actually, I can't think of anything that doesn't come across too freaky (I was thinking of things like him scratching on the wall, etc). Freaky does sell. Hmm. Think on it. According to your synopsis, you've got caves and bats, and all kinds of freaky things happening, so Dudley knocking on a wall shouldn't hurt. Right? Anyone else have suggestions? Not just on what Dudley should do, but another exciting place to make this discovery other than the attic? We're open to them!
Below is a detailed edit. Take what works and ignore the rest. A special note to my followers: if you catch something that I missed, feel free to point it out. Since the track changes feature doesn't show up on here, I put my edits next to the text in red. Anything in green needs to be cut.
FAMILY TREASURE
Chapter One
“I can’t believe this,” Jan whispered, as she held the yellowed paper in her hand. The hot stale air of the attic brought sweat beads on her forehead and her bangs dripped with perspiration. Boy, it's awfully hot in there for sweat to literally be dripping off her bangs. Feels a bit overdone and like she could literally wring them out. Consider having her bangs cling to the moisture on her forehead. Also, there's so much description of her sweat, it takes the focus off the letter in her hand. If you're going to add detailed description like this, always make sure its focus is on something significant. In this case, the letter.
Here's where this needs to be reformatted a half an inch on both sides. And be sure to put single quotation marks inside the double quotation marks: “'I worry so about the chest Grandpa brought over from the home country. I fear if they spy the chest they may loot through it and destroy the contents. Have Dudley take it to safe keeping.'”
New paragraph: Jan finished reading the letter and then stared out into the musty attic. “I wonder if Mom knows about this. cut period, and replace with a question mark?” Also, we need a stronger hook. A stronger opening sentence. See The Master's Wall, for an example of how that's done. Keep in mind, this is a totally different genre.
She looked (over cut) at her cousin Sarah. “You picked the best time to come and visit. I just discovered a secret and you can help me solve it!” Jan wiped her forehead with her arm and eased the letter back into the envelope. “Sarah, did you hear me?” She cast an impatient glance toward the corner of the attic.
“What?” asked Sarah. “What did you say?”
“Come on. Didn’t you hear a word I said?” (Jan pulled Sarah How far away was Sarah from Jan? Jan got from point A to point B awfully fast) from the old trunk where she was going through the contents.
“Wait. Let me put these old clothes back.” Sarah barely had time to toss the items back into the trunk as Jan pulled at her arm.
“You won’t believe this. Oh, shoot! I forgot the jelly jars. Could you get them?”
“Where are. . . ouch! I found them.” This hunt for jelly jars is humorous. This is great for MG fiction. The following feels like a POV jump from Jan's head to Sarah's: Sarah rubbed her toe as she picked up the jars and carried them out of the attic. She limped down the old oak stairway to her aunt’s kitchen below. She looked at Jan and saw the yellowed envelop clasped in her hand.
“Mom! Mom!” Jan yelled as Sarah put down the box of jars. “Where could she be?” Come on, help me find her.” They searched each room of the old house, but her mother was nowhere to be found. They ran outside and looked for the family dog, King, in his favorite spot under the porch.
“King! Where are you boy?”
“Jan, get out from under the porch. There could be snakes curled up under there just waitin’ to strike out at you.”
“Oh, Sarah, you’re a scaredy cat. Besides, they won’t hide under the porch; they know King will chase ‘em out.” Jan dusted off her shorts and looked around the yard. “They’re both missing.” She pressed her lips together and looked at Sarah. “This is a case for the Country Cousins.”
“Country Cousins! Jan you read too many Nancy Drew books. Besides, I live in the city.”
“Not this summer you don’t. You’re my Country Cousin until Labor Day, and we have mysteries to solve.”
“This might be fun,” said Sarah as they walked back into the kitchen.
“Where is Mom? I have to show her this letter,period” said Jan. She Jan sat down to catch her breath.
“What letter? Let me see.” Sarah leaned across the table and reached for the envelope.
Jan clenched it against her chest. “Are we partners? Are you a member of The Country Cousins Detective Agency?”
“Yes, yes. I’ll be your partner. Now let me see the letter. Cute. Where’d you find it? I didn’t see any old letters in the attic.”
“While you rummaged through the clothes in the trunk, I found this box of old books.” Jan raised her eyebrows and cocked her head (in the air. Feels like floating body parts.) “Look what fell out of one. This letter is dated April 1863. It’s addressed to Add single quotation marks before and after the following quotes: My Dearest Anna and signed Your loving husband, Henry.”
Janet, you've captured the humor between the girls nicely. They'll make a fun pair of detectives. Well done!
Now, let's look at what needs work:
As for the opening, it needs a stronger hook. Also (I had the privilege of reading the synopsis), because Dudley's spirit helps guide the girls throughout the story, I'd implement that right away. In fact, that could be a part of your hook. Something unusual like that would certainly draw your readers in and encourage them to turn the page.
One major thing concerns me about this opening. I'm afraid the idea of finding secrets in the attic is a bit cliché. A lot of writers do that. So, consider trying something different. I'm thinking they could discover a secret room in her bedroom, or someplace else. She could find a loose panel in her closet, or something like that. Anything but the attic will work. I'm sorry to tell you this; it's just that the whole attic scenario is simply overused.
Leave mom out of the story as much as possible. Parents aren't "allowed to help" the young characters in MG fiction. Consider finding another way (something creative and unique) for them to learn the story about their ancestors. Maybe they can ask leading questions to Mom. They could get tidbits of answers from her, and other answers from Dad—if he's in the picture. The parents could be helping without realizing they're helping. Also, the more secrets the children try to keep from the parents, the more intriguing it will be to your readers.
I'd also like for you to tighten the point of view (POV) of the main character, who I assume is Jan. What I mean by that is, bring in more interior monologue. You've done well with the five senses, and you have a good balance between action and dialogue. If you give us more of her thoughts, that'd help. But don’t add the kind of thoughts that are in first person and italicized. I'm talking the type of thoughts that are in third person and don't require italics. See in The Master's Wall (final version), how that's handled. Nearly every thought David has is done in third person and is not italicized.
If you were to change the attic scene to somewhere else (let's use the closet for example), maybe you could have Dudley knock on the inside of the closet wall to get Jan's attention. Or, if that's too freaky . . . hmm, actually, I can't think of anything that doesn't come across too freaky (I was thinking of things like him scratching on the wall, etc). Freaky does sell. Hmm. Think on it. According to your synopsis, you've got caves and bats, and all kinds of freaky things happening, so Dudley knocking on a wall shouldn't hurt. Right? Anyone else have suggestions? Not just on what Dudley should do, but another exciting place to make this discovery other than the attic? We're open to them!
Below is a detailed edit. Take what works and ignore the rest. A special note to my followers: if you catch something that I missed, feel free to point it out. Since the track changes feature doesn't show up on here, I put my edits next to the text in red. Anything in green needs to be cut.
FAMILY TREASURE
Chapter One
“I can’t believe this,” Jan whispered, as she held the yellowed paper in her hand. The hot stale air of the attic brought sweat beads on her forehead and her bangs dripped with perspiration. Boy, it's awfully hot in there for sweat to literally be dripping off her bangs. Feels a bit overdone and like she could literally wring them out. Consider having her bangs cling to the moisture on her forehead. Also, there's so much description of her sweat, it takes the focus off the letter in her hand. If you're going to add detailed description like this, always make sure its focus is on something significant. In this case, the letter.
Here's where this needs to be reformatted a half an inch on both sides. And be sure to put single quotation marks inside the double quotation marks: “'I worry so about the chest Grandpa brought over from the home country. I fear if they spy the chest they may loot through it and destroy the contents. Have Dudley take it to safe keeping.'”
New paragraph: Jan finished reading the letter and then stared out into the musty attic. “I wonder if Mom knows about this. cut period, and replace with a question mark?” Also, we need a stronger hook. A stronger opening sentence. See The Master's Wall, for an example of how that's done. Keep in mind, this is a totally different genre.
She looked (over cut) at her cousin Sarah. “You picked the best time to come and visit. I just discovered a secret and you can help me solve it!” Jan wiped her forehead with her arm and eased the letter back into the envelope. “Sarah, did you hear me?” She cast an impatient glance toward the corner of the attic.
“What?” asked Sarah. “What did you say?”
“Come on. Didn’t you hear a word I said?” (Jan pulled Sarah How far away was Sarah from Jan? Jan got from point A to point B awfully fast) from the old trunk where she was going through the contents.
“Wait. Let me put these old clothes back.” Sarah barely had time to toss the items back into the trunk as Jan pulled at her arm.
“You won’t believe this. Oh, shoot! I forgot the jelly jars. Could you get them?”
“Where are. . . ouch! I found them.” This hunt for jelly jars is humorous. This is great for MG fiction. The following feels like a POV jump from Jan's head to Sarah's: Sarah rubbed her toe as she picked up the jars and carried them out of the attic. She limped down the old oak stairway to her aunt’s kitchen below. She looked at Jan and saw the yellowed envelop clasped in her hand.
“Mom! Mom!” Jan yelled as Sarah put down the box of jars. “Where could she be?” Come on, help me find her.” They searched each room of the old house, but her mother was nowhere to be found. They ran outside and looked for the family dog, King, in his favorite spot under the porch.
“King! Where are you boy?”
“Jan, get out from under the porch. There could be snakes curled up under there just waitin’ to strike out at you.”
“Oh, Sarah, you’re a scaredy cat. Besides, they won’t hide under the porch; they know King will chase ‘em out.” Jan dusted off her shorts and looked around the yard. “They’re both missing.” She pressed her lips together and looked at Sarah. “This is a case for the Country Cousins.”
“Country Cousins! Jan you read too many Nancy Drew books. Besides, I live in the city.”
“Not this summer you don’t. You’re my Country Cousin until Labor Day, and we have mysteries to solve.”
“This might be fun,” said Sarah as they walked back into the kitchen.
“Where is Mom? I have to show her this letter,period” said Jan. She Jan sat down to catch her breath.
“What letter? Let me see.” Sarah leaned across the table and reached for the envelope.
Jan clenched it against her chest. “Are we partners? Are you a member of The Country Cousins Detective Agency?”
“Yes, yes. I’ll be your partner. Now let me see the letter. Cute. Where’d you find it? I didn’t see any old letters in the attic.”
“While you rummaged through the clothes in the trunk, I found this box of old books.” Jan raised her eyebrows and cocked her head (in the air. Feels like floating body parts.) “Look what fell out of one. This letter is dated April 1863. It’s addressed to Add single quotation marks before and after the following quotes: My Dearest Anna and signed Your loving husband, Henry.”
Janet, you've captured the humor between the girls nicely. They'll make a fun pair of detectives. Well done!
Monday, September 7, 2009
For Critique: Family Treasure
I want to thank Janet for being willing to submit the first +500 words of her manuscript Family Treasure. This is a novel for third to sixth-grade readers. People in the industry call this "middle grade fiction."
It took a lot of courage for Janet to submit her manuscript, so please keep that in mind when offering your critiques. Be sure to open with something positive and close with something positive, sandwiching the negative. And Janet, this is a good time to develop the thick skin that all writers need. Even after publication, we'll still receive negative reviews. It's impossible to please everyone, so this is good preparation for that as well.
So, now we begin:
FAMILY TREASURE
Chapter One
“I can’t believe this,” Jan whispered, as she held the yellowed paper in her hand. The hot stale air of the attic brought sweat beads on her forehead and her bangs dripped with perspiration. “I worry so about the chest Grandpa brought over from the home country. I fear if they spy the chest they may loot through it and destroy the contents. Have Dudley take it to safe keeping.” Jan finished reading the letter and then stared out into the musty attic. “I wonder if Mom knows about this.”
She looked over at her cousin Sarah. “You picked the best time to come and visit. I just discovered a secret and you can help me solve it!” Jan wiped her forehead with her arm and eased the letter back into the envelope. “Sarah, did you hear me?” She cast an impatient glance toward the corner of the attic.
“What?” asked Sarah. “What did you say?”
“Come on. Didn’t you hear a word I said?” Jan pulled Sarah from the old trunk where she was going through the contents.
“Wait. Let me put these old clothes back.” Sarah barely had time to toss the items back into the trunk as Jan pulled at her arm.
“You won’t believe this. Oh, shoot! I forgot the jelly jars. Could you get them?”
“Where are. . . ouch! I found them.” Sarah rubbed her toe as she picked up the jars and carried them out of the attic. She limped down the old oak stairway to her aunt’s kitchen below. She looked at Jan and saw the yellowed envelop clasped in her hand.
“Mom! Mom!” Jan yelled as Sarah put down the box of jars. “Where could she be?” Come on, help me find her.” They searched each room of the old house, but her mother was nowhere to be found. They ran outside and looked for the family dog, King, in his favorite spot under the porch.
“King! Where are you boy?”
“Jan, get out from under the porch. There could be snakes curled up under there just waitin’ to strike out at you.”
“Oh, Sarah, you’re a scaredy cat. Besides, they won’t hide under the porch; they know King will chase ‘em out.” Jan dusted off her shorts and looked around the yard. “They’re both missing.” She pressed her lips together and looked at Sarah. “This is a case for the Country Cousins.”
“Country Cousins! Jan you read too many Nancy Drew books. Besides, I live in the city.”
“Not this summer you don’t. You’re my Country Cousin until Labor Day, and we have mysteries to solve.”
“This might be fun,” said Sarah as they walked back into the kitchen.
“Where is Mom? I have to show her this letter,” said Jan. She sat down to catch her breath.
“What letter? Let me see.” Sarah leaned across the table and reached for the envelope.
Jan clenched it against her chest. “Are we partners? Are you a member of The Country Cousins Detective Agency?”
“Yes, yes. I’ll be your partner. Now let me see the letter. Where’d you find it? I didn’t see any old letters in the attic.”
“While you rummaged through the clothes in the trunk, I found this box of old books.” Jan raised her eyebrows and cocked her head in the air. “Look what fell out of one. This letter is dated April 1863. It’s addressed to My Dearest Anna and signed Your loving husband, Henry.”
It took a lot of courage for Janet to submit her manuscript, so please keep that in mind when offering your critiques. Be sure to open with something positive and close with something positive, sandwiching the negative. And Janet, this is a good time to develop the thick skin that all writers need. Even after publication, we'll still receive negative reviews. It's impossible to please everyone, so this is good preparation for that as well.
So, now we begin:
FAMILY TREASURE
Chapter One
“I can’t believe this,” Jan whispered, as she held the yellowed paper in her hand. The hot stale air of the attic brought sweat beads on her forehead and her bangs dripped with perspiration. “I worry so about the chest Grandpa brought over from the home country. I fear if they spy the chest they may loot through it and destroy the contents. Have Dudley take it to safe keeping.” Jan finished reading the letter and then stared out into the musty attic. “I wonder if Mom knows about this.”
She looked over at her cousin Sarah. “You picked the best time to come and visit. I just discovered a secret and you can help me solve it!” Jan wiped her forehead with her arm and eased the letter back into the envelope. “Sarah, did you hear me?” She cast an impatient glance toward the corner of the attic.
“What?” asked Sarah. “What did you say?”
“Come on. Didn’t you hear a word I said?” Jan pulled Sarah from the old trunk where she was going through the contents.
“Wait. Let me put these old clothes back.” Sarah barely had time to toss the items back into the trunk as Jan pulled at her arm.
“You won’t believe this. Oh, shoot! I forgot the jelly jars. Could you get them?”
“Where are. . . ouch! I found them.” Sarah rubbed her toe as she picked up the jars and carried them out of the attic. She limped down the old oak stairway to her aunt’s kitchen below. She looked at Jan and saw the yellowed envelop clasped in her hand.
“Mom! Mom!” Jan yelled as Sarah put down the box of jars. “Where could she be?” Come on, help me find her.” They searched each room of the old house, but her mother was nowhere to be found. They ran outside and looked for the family dog, King, in his favorite spot under the porch.
“King! Where are you boy?”
“Jan, get out from under the porch. There could be snakes curled up under there just waitin’ to strike out at you.”
“Oh, Sarah, you’re a scaredy cat. Besides, they won’t hide under the porch; they know King will chase ‘em out.” Jan dusted off her shorts and looked around the yard. “They’re both missing.” She pressed her lips together and looked at Sarah. “This is a case for the Country Cousins.”
“Country Cousins! Jan you read too many Nancy Drew books. Besides, I live in the city.”
“Not this summer you don’t. You’re my Country Cousin until Labor Day, and we have mysteries to solve.”
“This might be fun,” said Sarah as they walked back into the kitchen.
“Where is Mom? I have to show her this letter,” said Jan. She sat down to catch her breath.
“What letter? Let me see.” Sarah leaned across the table and reached for the envelope.
Jan clenched it against her chest. “Are we partners? Are you a member of The Country Cousins Detective Agency?”
“Yes, yes. I’ll be your partner. Now let me see the letter. Where’d you find it? I didn’t see any old letters in the attic.”
“While you rummaged through the clothes in the trunk, I found this box of old books.” Jan raised her eyebrows and cocked her head in the air. “Look what fell out of one. This letter is dated April 1863. It’s addressed to My Dearest Anna and signed Your loving husband, Henry.”
Thursday, September 3, 2009
Attributions: Part Three
Depending on how attributions are used, they can also become a form of telling.
I call the following "impossible attributions" because they create impossibilities.
Chime, deliver, breathe, repeat, seethe, spat, articulate, laugh, conclude, add, roar, state, counter, muse, roar, growl, exclaim, fume, explode, and the list goes on.
Why do these create impossibilities?
A person can't "chime, deliver, breathe, repeat, seethe, spat, articulate," a statement. These vices shout amateur to editors and agents (and if not, they should). Avoid them at all costs.
Here's a quote from Newgate Callender, in The New York Times Book Review:
Mr. (Robert) Ludlum has other peculiarities. For example, he hates the "he said" locution and avoids it as much as possible. Characters in The Bourne Ultimatum seldom “say” anything. Instead, they cry, interject, interrupt, muse, state, counter, conclude, mumble, whisper (Mr. Ludlum is great on whispers), intone, roar, exclaim, fume, explode, mutter. There is one especially unforgettable tautology: “’I repeat,’ repeated Alex.”
The book may sell in the billions, but it’s still junk.
The best thing to do with “said” is to cut it all together and replace it with an action. This will create more “showing” and less “telling.” It pulls us into the story and helps us become more acquainted with the characters. Also, as I said, if one character has dialogue and action in the same paragraph, we’ll automatically know who’s talking so there’s no need to "tell" us who's talking. But if you have to use “said,” then use “said” and not some impossible attribution that hack writers love.
I understand a writer's disillusionment after reading a published book cluttered with misused attributions. But think of it this way, would you rather be known as a writer who writes well, or as a poor writer? Sadly, hack writers get published all the time.
Yes, I'm all for breaking the rules—I talk about it regularly. There's definitely a time and a place to do it. But I believe a writer must master the rules before they can break them.
Dave King and Rennie Browne's book, "Self-Editing for Fiction Writers," goes into detail on attributions, as well as other important writing subjects.
Attributions aren't "wrong." Just use them with care.
I call the following "impossible attributions" because they create impossibilities.
Chime, deliver, breathe, repeat, seethe, spat, articulate, laugh, conclude, add, roar, state, counter, muse, roar, growl, exclaim, fume, explode, and the list goes on.
Why do these create impossibilities?
A person can't "chime, deliver, breathe, repeat, seethe, spat, articulate," a statement. These vices shout amateur to editors and agents (and if not, they should). Avoid them at all costs.
Here's a quote from Newgate Callender, in The New York Times Book Review:
Mr. (Robert) Ludlum has other peculiarities. For example, he hates the "he said" locution and avoids it as much as possible. Characters in The Bourne Ultimatum seldom “say” anything. Instead, they cry, interject, interrupt, muse, state, counter, conclude, mumble, whisper (Mr. Ludlum is great on whispers), intone, roar, exclaim, fume, explode, mutter. There is one especially unforgettable tautology: “’I repeat,’ repeated Alex.”
The book may sell in the billions, but it’s still junk.
The best thing to do with “said” is to cut it all together and replace it with an action. This will create more “showing” and less “telling.” It pulls us into the story and helps us become more acquainted with the characters. Also, as I said, if one character has dialogue and action in the same paragraph, we’ll automatically know who’s talking so there’s no need to "tell" us who's talking. But if you have to use “said,” then use “said” and not some impossible attribution that hack writers love.
I understand a writer's disillusionment after reading a published book cluttered with misused attributions. But think of it this way, would you rather be known as a writer who writes well, or as a poor writer? Sadly, hack writers get published all the time.
Yes, I'm all for breaking the rules—I talk about it regularly. There's definitely a time and a place to do it. But I believe a writer must master the rules before they can break them.
Dave King and Rennie Browne's book, "Self-Editing for Fiction Writers," goes into detail on attributions, as well as other important writing subjects.
Attributions aren't "wrong." Just use them with care.
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